A Day to Talk About Mental Health

Thank you to my brave friend Kathy for sharing her personal journey with mental illness. Let's do our best to reach out to those who are struggling, really listen to their stories, and share our stories too - not just today, but every day. We're all in this together, after all. Kathy's story first appeared on her personal Facebook page on January 29, 2018. 

I haven’t been myself for a while now. In October, I lost my beloved cat suddenly. At first I was experiencing grief, so much grief. But it turned into something more than what I could have imagined - this was more than just grieving my cat. I started on a journey of depression and anxiety. I say a journey because it feels like a journey. Some days I am okay and some days I can’t pull myself out of bed. Some days I just cry for hours. I stopped eating; I stopped sleeping; I stopped being me. I have lost 20 pounds and my hair fell out. It’s an ugly, painful, and sometimes, lonely journey.

#BellLetsTalk day is coming up on Weds, Jan 31. A day to talk about mental health. Rather than just change my profile picture or just say something brief about it to support the day, I feel like if we are really to talk about it, let’s talk about it, right? I have been living it - the truth is that I haven’t been okay for a while now. I put a lot of pressure and stress on myself to be like most people. I wanted to get married and have a family of my own and it wasn’t happening for me. However, the amount of pressure I put on myself became unhealthy. And, I kept it pretty much to myself for a long time. I didn’t want people to know that I was struggling. I grieved every time I saw another friend get married, have their first child, then second child. I grieved every time that I saw friends post their happy relationship statuses on social media and then the parade of photos – couples, baby and then family photos. Rather than letting people know how I was feeling, I turned inward and kept the pain to myself until I could not hold it anymore. And then when my cat died, I couldn’t even be myself anymore; there was nothing left.

The thing about mental illness is that you are not yourself. A good friend reminded me about that the other day when I said to her that, “I feel like the old Kathy has died and that I am trying to learn how to be the new Kathy.” But that’s the problem, isn’t it? When you are going through mental illness, it is hard to be yourself. Sometimes when I tell people that I am depressed and have anxiety, they don’t know how to answer. Sometimes they ask me how I am handling it or sometimes they tell me that I need to not stress so much. When you are depressed, you can’t stop the way you are thinking and feeling. It doesn’t go away overnight. Sometimes it can be a life long struggle. But where I was lucky is that I knew how to ask for help and I was comfortable asking for help. I have good support network, but not everyone has this.

This journey that I have been on has been life changing. It has taught me a lot about myself and about others. It has taught me that I am stronger than I thought I was. It has taught me that there are some pretty amazing people in my life that have been there for me on my dark days and witnessed a lot of ugly crying. It has taught me to be grateful for what I do have. It has taught me to appreciate my family and friends that were there for me when I couldn’t take care of myself. It has taught me to appreciate my workplace that supports mental health initiatives and my manager and coworkers that have been by my side and patient with me. It has taught me that it is okay to say that I am not okay. It has taught me to be grateful that I am still here. If it weren’t for the amazing people in my life, I could be in a much darker place than I am right now. I am still working on healing myself. Like I said, there are good days and bad days.

Anyway, this has been my story for the last year and a half (well the part that I can share in less than 1000 words). I wanted to share it because I have had so many thoughts going through my mind about what to say. This has been a very private and painful experience for me but I feel like I shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed to share it. More people should feel that it is okay to share that they are not okay and not feeling like themselves. I don’t have anything profound to say other than to recognize that there are people around us that need help. Sometimes they don’t know how to ask for help or don’t know they can ask for help. Reach out to that friend you haven’t spoken to in a while; volunteer your time at a place of community where someone would probably really appreciate your company and a friendly face; ask people how they are doing and really listen; be an observer and recognize when someone needs help.

Writers Helping Writers

© TWSSFU

Over the weekend, I decided to join an online group of writers to sprint-write on our own, but "together" over social media.

The Writer's Studio at Simon Fraser University is designed to "help you develop your writing practice for personal interest and as a profession" and offers a program in Vancouver, as well as online. I am not alumni of The Writer's Studio (TWS), but this group hosts Twitter writing sprints, where those joining in write for 15 minutes, break for five minutes and repeat thrice. Mainly targeted to students and alumni, the exercise kindly welcomes all writers to participate.

The #TWSSprints, as they are known, provide a nice structure in which to write. As I'm sure other writers can attest, I've often found it difficult to write when there is too much time or flexibility involved. Deadlines are a good thing. Chunking up big pieces of work creates an environment where incremental progress can be observed.

All this to say, in my first ever Writing Sprint I managed to crank out 822 words in the 45 minutes of total writing time, the material of which will be refined, edited and eventually published on this space. What a great exercise to get a head start on some burgeoning story ideas that have been rattling around in the ol' noggin.

So big thanks, @TWSSFU, and to all the kind, supportive people I met on Twitter from this community of writers for "giving it away." Hope to see you again next month!

Want to make a submission to 12 Months of Gratitude but don't know where to start?
Be in touch. Let's hash out some ideas together, if need be. I'd also certainly recommend joining a #TWSSprints session, if you need the motivation and a little support. For the details on what can and can't be submitted, be sure to read the Submission Guidelines.

Kind Deeds Making the Internet: #3

Welcome to the third instalment of Kind Deeds Making the Internet.

An observation: while last week seemed to be filled with good deeds in the news, I didn't notice nearly as much of that this week. But - is that because I was having a less-than-stellar week myself? If I had been in a more pleasant mood, would I have been more receptive to and observant of happy things in the news? Food for thought.

Celebrating the kindness of strangers
In the words of Twitter Moments: "When @AtticusGF found out his newborn daughter would need surgery and extensive physical therapy at just a few weeks old, he started a GoFundMe for friends and family to help with medical bills and lost income as he and his wife cared for their baby. What he didn't expect was how many strangers would join in with support, both financial and emotional." Check out the summary on Twitter Moments for the details.

Ladies: have you ever been in an awkward or even scary situation when someone you don't know comes up to you and refuses to leave you alone, despite polite refusals of advances? A woman shares how a stranger helped save her from an uncomfortable situation and gives me hope that there are others out there that will have our backs.

On the heels of last week's updates
Last week, I highlighted the brave women in the trial of Larry Nassar who have stepped forward to give their victim impact statements and expose his predatory actions. This week, Nassar was sentenced to up to 175 years in prison. Another good that came out of this horrific story? Those who gained a sisterhood of survivors.

© ABC and Shondaland

More from Grey's Anatomy, who has been serving up a story arc involving domestic abuse. The episode which aired towards the end of last week put a particular spotlight on the issue, and provided information to viewers on how to go about contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline (warning: story also contains show spoilers).

Marching on
Finally, a round-up of this week's good deeds would not be complete without a mention of the Women's March which took place in the United States, Canada and various locations throughout the world in the wake of the government shutdown. There's plenty of Women's March coverage out there, but I think my personal favourite sum-up is this tweet by Dan Hetteix:

Link to tweet

That's it for now. Wishing you all a great weekend. 

About Kind Deeds Making the Internet
Each Friday (or so), I will post highlights of cool people doing kind things that popped up in the news or in social media that week. Hopefully this will be inspirational in helping us all think about who we would like to acknowledge with gratitude, kudos or thanks. For future weekly highlights, be sure to send me anything you think would make for interesting reading.

Recognizing the Good in a Time of Suck

The last few days have been challenging. Nothing particularly earth shattering has happened: a busted oven, my bus running late. But these garden variety annoyances have certainly contributed to and resulted in my current general malaise.

I've realized, it's times like these when it can be hardest to remember to be grateful. And they are hardest because life is busy. Hectic. Who has time to think about being grateful when there are meals to be made, clothes to clean, work to do, broken appliances to replace? No one, that's who! Right?

Wrong.

Readers of my past online work will be familiar with my penchant to occasionally rant profusely and inappropriately opine using strong language. But given that this is a blog about gratitude, kudos and thanks, I shall force myself to refrain from this practice and focus on good things instead - even though the last thing I feel like doing right now is forcing myself to appreciate something, or someone, because frankly, I just. Don't. Care. But somewhere deep down, I know that this is exactly the time to remind oneself of good things. Good vibes beget good vibes... or something like that, anyway.

So, here goes. Thank you, little dog who I met on my way home yesterday. You were wet, and smelly - and wanted so much to say hello to me and lick my hand, that I couldn't help but instantly be in a better mood, even if for a moment. I'm grateful for your sweet nature and disposition that led you to comfort a wretched ol' gal like me.

Anyone else having a bad day? Week? What are your strategies (positive, I hope) for coping? Let me know in the comments or send me an email. Hearing from you would make my day!

When in doubt, hug a friend. Pic cred: wat.ki

Kind Deeds Making the Internet: #2

Welcome to Kind Deeds Making the Internet: #2! So many kind deeds in the news this week. Where to start?

How about these "regular dudes"
After 58 years watching over pools and beaches in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, lifeguard Glenn Schultz has hung up his whistle. As a teenager, Schultz saved a drowning boy and saw his future. Read about his career and the passion he brought to work on CBC News BC.

Pic cred: Andrea Edwards for the
Newfoundland & Labrador Beard & Moustache Club

A group of burly, big-hearted mermen in Newfoundland, Canada raised over $300,000 for Spirit Horse NL, an organization that aims to "enhance the mental health and life skills of people through therapeutic interaction with horses." Well done, MerB'ys. Read the CBC News NL story. View their "tail" on Twitter moments.

Okay, so he's not just a "regular dude" but Stranger Things' actor David Harbour is becoming known on the interwebs for being a straight up nice guy with his fans. See him keep his promise to pose in yearbook photos and make a conditional offer to officiate a wedding in exchange for cake.

In their memory
Work continues to take place in honour of former Canucks hockey player Rick Rypien, who died in August 2011 after struggling with mental illness. The program mindcheck.ca transitioned to foundrybc.ca this week and continues to help youth and young adults quickly connect to mental health resources and supports.

Cranberries singer Dolores O’Riordan passed away this week in London. Remembered and beloved by many, friends and fans expressed sadness at this news, but also shared their fond memories, thoughts on her legacy and how much her music meant to them. See tributes on Rolling Stone and Variety.

You gotta fight for your rights
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day took place earlier this week. A recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, Dr. King will forever be known for his activism and work to advance civil rights through nonviolence.

Photo cred: http://kaepernick7.com

American football free agent, activist and foundation founder Colin Kaepernick announced the first of 10 organizations that will benefit from the final $100,000 of his $1 million pledge to charity, some of which is being matched by other professional athletes and celebrities, such as Golden State Warriors’ Kevin Durant and Grey's Anatomy actor Jesse Williams. The Million Dollar Pledge started in October 2016, benefiting “organizations working in oppressed communities." Way to go, Kap and friends.

Speaking of Grey's Anatomy, actress Ellen Pompeo gave a frank, no-bullshit interview with The Hollywood Reporter on self-worth and negotiating for what she deserves. It kinda blew my mind. Read the whole thing - it's worth it. See Twitter Moments for a summary of reactions on Twitter.

Finally, anyone following the sentencing hearing of former USA Gymnastics physician Larry Nassar will know that this has been, in the words of The Washington Post, "a parade of horror and catharsis." As reported by The Guardian, Nassar last month "was sentenced to 60 years in federal prison in a separate case regarding child abuse images, faces an additional minimum sentence of 25 to 40 years after admitting to molesting girls at Michigan State University and his home under the guise of medical treatment." Sentencing continues for Nassar for sexually abusing girls in his care, including Olympians Jamie Dantzscher, McKayla Maroney and Simone Biles. And while the emerging stories of these girls not being believed upon first telling others is incredibly upsetting, it is heartening now to know that they are speaking out, speaking loud - and finally being heard. As Kyle Stephens says in her victim statement, "Little girls don't stay little forever. They grow into strong women that return to destroy your world." Props to these women who have been so brave in sharing their stories. Hopefully this will encourage others who have been abused to keep coming forward and outing these predators.

That's it! Have a wonderful weekend.

About Kind Deeds Making the Internet
Each Friday (or so), I will post highlights of cool people doing kind things that popped up in the news or in social media that week. Hopefully this will be inspirational in helping us all think about who we would like to acknowledge with gratitude, kudos or thanks. For future weekly highlights, be sure to send me anything you think would make for interesting reading.

Observing MLK

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. There's not much I can say about this incredible person that hasn't already been said more adequately by others. The King Center is a fantastic resource to learn more about Dr. King and provides this background on his life and philosophy:

Drawing inspiration from both his Christian faith and the peaceful teachings of Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. King led a nonviolent movement in the late 1950’s and ‘60s to achieve legal equality for African-Americans in the United States. While others were advocating for freedom by “any means necessary,” including violence, Martin Luther King, Jr. used the power of words and acts of nonviolent resistance, such as protests, grassroots organizing, and civil disobedience to achieve seemingly-impossible goals. He went on to lead similar campaigns against poverty and international conflict, always maintaining fidelity to his principles that men and women everywhere, regardless of color or creed, are equal members of the human family.

A great summary of Dr. King's words and achievements has also been collected on Twitter Moments.

Many like-minded associations and foundations encourage commemorating Dr. King by being of service to others. What did you get up to today? If you had today off, did you volunteer in your community? What did you do to help someone else? Let me know in the comments below.

© Corporation for National & Community Service

You Do You

When you think of where you are now, are you the person you always imagined you would be? Living the life you want? Doing the things you've always wanted?

I don't want to get too philosophical on this point - I'm certainly no expert myself - but was prompted to think about this today by something Chris Hardwick posted on Instagram.

Many of you may be aware of Hardwick from a variety of different places. Among his numerous endeavours, he is or has been a stand-up comedian, a television presenter, a writer, producer and probably much, more more - but my personal favourite, is that he created Nerdist Industries (listen to the podcasts - they're great!).

Here is what he had to say about following your own passions:

"GO MAKE YOUR THING!!! You don’t need permission. You just have to decide. And don’t listen to people who are telling you your thing is impossible because deep down your doing your thing reminds them how they’re not doing their thing. Being in a pit of inactivity sucks, and therefore other people will always try to have company. DON’T BE THAT COMPANY. Get out of the pit. Go make your damn thing."

Sadly, a few downers piped up negatively in response to this proving always that "haters gonna hate" (thanks, Taylor Swift). But thankfully, those who were inspired and wanted to be positive went ahead and did just that in the ensuing comments. 

Thank you, Hardwick, for always encouraging others to be themselves and to do their own thing (as you always have), regardless of the naysayers out there. An additional thanks to everyone who chose to comment affirmatively on Hardwick's post. Way to contribute to the positive.

To everyone reading: go forth and create, y'all. You like photography? Go take photos. You like to draw? Go find your sketchbook. You want to write... maybe about being more grateful? Send me a submission and I'll post it (just a suggestion)!

Whatever it is you are passionate about, go out there and do it. You do you.

Kind Deeds Making the Internet: #1

Welcome to the first post of Kind Deeds Making the Internet!

Each Friday (or so), I will post highlights of cool people doing kind things that popped up in the news or in social media that week. Hopefully this will be inspirational in helping us all think about who we would like to acknowledge with gratitude, kudos or thanks. For future weekly highlights, be sure to send me anything you think would make for interesting reading.

© Ramona G. Alvarez via Storyful

It hasn't quite been a full week since 12 Months of Gratitude has started but let's do a weekly round-up anyway, shall we? For this particular post, I think an alternate title might be: "How typically Canadian, eh?" Here are two stories about Canadian musicians doing nice things that made it onto the internet this week.

In Vegas, Canadian chanteuse Céline Dion gracefully handled an unruly fan, waving off her security team and choosing to handle the situation with compassion instead. Watch the video on CBC Radio q, and visit the Twitter moment for a summary of reactions.

In the words of Alan Doyle, lead singer of the band Great Big Sea, as posted on social media yesterday: "On November 19 last year, close to 50 of Canada’s most celebrated musicians gathered at the legendary The Commodore Ballroom [in Vancouver, British Columbia] to help a dear friend - John Mann, singer for Spirit of the West. John has early-onset Alzheimer's which demands incredible resources, and the musical community rallied for an amazing show of support in one unforgettable night of music and love. A makeshift studio was assembled in the building to record this song on the spot as a memento of the gathering and to help raise funds for John's continuing care. Please share far and wide as you like and give a little if you can." Watch Alan's video on Facebook. Donate to John Mann's gofundme campaign.

Enjoy your weekend, all! And remember: keep giving it away to keep it.

© The Commodore Ballroom, 2017

Story Ideas and Upcoming Highlights

Since creating this blog, I've been thinking about various story ideas. Realistically, however, I must come to terms with the fact that I may not have time to write them all.

Here's what's been percolating in the ol' noggin. If anyone feels like picking up one of these ideas and running with it, feel free! See the Submission Guidelines for more information on how to submit content.

• The Me Too, Why We Wear Black and Time's Up movements making an appearance at the Golden Globes over the weekend
• The bright side to the holidays being over
• Taking comfort in the little things
• Ingenuity and creativity in the golden age of television
• Binge behaviours that are good for society
• Finding support during tough times and how to be of support to others

Also, if you come across any stories in the news about cool people doing kind things, send them to 12monthsofgratitude@gmail.com. I'll collect them and post weekly highlights acknowledging general kind deeds in the news.

Lastly, to everyone who has sent me nice comments about this project and words of encouragement: thanks so much! I look forward to seeing submissions of your own. Cheers.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Thank you, Dad, for hiring me as your editor.

Readers of my previous blog Five by 35 will know that I spent the better part of last year fundraising for Diabetes Canada and training to run a marathon in memory of my dad, who died in 2016 after long suffering complications arising from type 2 diabetes.

But before all of that, before finding a passion in public service, even before moving to Canada's west coast - as a pre-teen, my dad would ask me to proofread materials he had written.

Frankly, he was a grumpy sort who liked to complain to various companies about things they were doing wrong and ways they could do things better. He wrote a lot of letters. In many ways, he was always trying to "get his." But having emigrated from the Philippines to Canada in 1971, with English as his second language, he wanted to make sure he was getting his point across in an effective manner.

Enter: me. Wee editor.

At first I would proofread these materials for free. Over time, I became... well, if not industrious over these requests, then definitely opportunistic. I would say he "hired" me when I started charging a dollar (or loonie, for my fellow Canucks) per letter.

Those letters were the first in a long line of materials over the years that I would proofread - not just for my dad, but for those in my work life, as well. I worked hard at being my dad's editor, and learned skills that have served me well even throughout my professional years: diligence, attention to detail, applying a critical eye to the written word.

Today would have been my dad's 80th birthday. I miss him but I am grateful for the time we had, including weird moments like discussing whether or not his grammar was correct and whether his opinions might be too strongly worded.

Happy birthday, Dad. There will never be another like you.

Me with my dad, as a tot and at my wedding 10 years ago

Giving Thanks

Jason Schneidman is a celebrity hairstylist and groomer and the proprietor of The Men's Groomer in Los Angeles. He also created the His Street Cuts campaign, providing free haircuts to LA's homeless population. Having struggled with addiction himself, after he got clean he recognized the importance of doing something to help others. As he says, "I was taught I have to give it away to keep it."

That's what this blog is about: giving it away to keep it.

Current State
It would be easy at this time in our history to throw our collective hands up and say, "Forget it! We've had enough." It can be difficult to find the good in our every day, given current political structures, populist views and incredibly divisive rhetoric we see in news headlines. I, for one, have never been fond of reading comments on news stories but in recent times, I have also grown increasingly weary of vitriol spewed on Facebook, Twitter and other social media.

12 Months of Gratitude
But I don't want to take myself out of the game. Instead of giving up, I'm leaning in. As much as our systems are flawed and imperfect, they are what we have. If the alternative is to not participate at all, then that's not good enough.

12 Months of Gratitude is an attempt to counter the negative. While gratitude and the concept of giving regular thanks is absolutely not new, I'm hoping this will be a way for us to see the good when so much around us is bad. This will be a place to give thanks - recognize those that are doing good in the world, provide kudos to those we've interacted with who have made a difference to others or helped us in some way, and share stories that inspire us to be and do better.

How It Works
Over the next 12 months, I want this blog to be a place for all of us. While I will certainly write about that which makes me grateful, I want all of you to do the same and your stories will be published here, on this blog.

Who can submit a story? Anyone.

Who can you thank or acknowledge? Whoever you like.

If you are reading this blog, then this blog belongs to you, too. It doesn't matter if you've never written anything before. If you want to submit a post, then do it! And of course, credit will be attributed to you. If you're shy and don't want to provide your name but still want to submit a story, we'll find a way to work around it e.g. written by "Anonymous." I am happy and more than willing to accommodate anyone who wants to share gratitude here.

For more on how to submit a post to this space, please read the Submission Guidelines.

Future State
In Prince Harry's interview with Former President Barack Obama towards the end of last year, Obama said this:

I can tell people what I genuinely believe: if we take responsibility for being involved in our own fate - if we participate, if we engage, if we speak out, if we work in our communities, if we volunteer, if we see the joy that comes from service to others - then all the problems that we face are solvable despite all the terrible news that we see, despite all the genuine cruelty, pain and hardship that people are experiencing around the world at any given moment.

If you had to choose a moment in human history in which you wanted to be born and you didn't know at the time whether you were going to be Prince Harry or Barack Obama or a small child in rural Africa or India, you'd choose today, because the fact is: the world is healthier, wealthier, better educated, more tolerant, more sophisticated, and less violent than just about any other time in human history.

It seems impossible to be able to change the world but I think Obama's stance on this is something worth remembering. Despite all the negative, there's no better time to create change - and be grateful - than right now.

For our part, let's contribute to the positive. Let's give it away to keep it.

Submission Guidelines

Last updated: January 10, 2018. Note: these guidelines will be adapted over time based on what the community needs and the types of stories being submitted. 

About Us

12 Months of Gratitude is a community-based forum for anyone wanting to share gratitude, kudos and thanks. Content generated by all. For more details on the purpose of this blog, refer to the post from January 9, 2018 entitled Giving Thanks. 

Making a Submission

To submit a blog post or story, propose an idea or to ask questions, email 12monthsofgratitude@gmail.com. 

Posts will be accepted from anyone making a submission, regardless of their location or predispositions, so long as the primary subject matter of the post addresses gratitude, kudos or thanks.

Word Count

Suggested word count for submissions is between 50 and 1,000 words. Any submissions longer than this may be truncated and/or edited, in consultation with the individual submitting the work.

Creating a Safe Space
This blog supports and encourages divergence of views, plain-talk and occasional doses of well-placed sarcasm and self-deprecation. That said, there will generally be no restrictions on tone or subject matter for gratitude, kudos or thanks.

While there are no restrictions on tone or subject matter for gratitude, kudos or thanks, this blog is committed to providing a safe space for contributors to share content. This means no hateful, sexist, racist or other intolerant content will be accepted or published. Repeated submissions of offensive materials will be reported to Google and Blogger as inappropriate.

No Sales Pitches
This blog is a promotion-free zone. Any submissions that hint at sales, promotion or marketing will be rejected. Repeated submissions of sales-related content will be reported to Google and Blogger as inappropriate.

Content Attribution

Original materials will be attributed to content owners, unless otherwise agreed. In instances where the author wishes to remain anonymous, content will be attributed to an anonymous author and not the blog owner. 

Types of Submissions

Various submissions will be considered for publication including, but not limited to, op-eds, random observations, interesting musings, works of art, poetry, interviews, etc. 

Readers may also submit news stories, YouTube videos and more originating from a third party; these submissions will be attributed to the appropriate and rightful content owner but credit will also be provided to the submitter for finding and sharing the material with this community. 

Payment

While this is a safe space, it is also a free space. Remuneration will not be offered for original content. Submissions are voluntary. 

More Questions

Have we missed anything? Do you have more questions? Please get in touch if so, or if you would like to discuss collaboration or partnership opportunities. Email us at 12monthsofgratitude@gmail.com.